{"id":6942,"date":"2018-05-04T10:04:00","date_gmt":"2018-05-04T02:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/caitlincady.com\/are-you-addicted-to-saying-yes\/"},"modified":"2022-05-19T17:20:18","modified_gmt":"2022-05-19T09:20:18","slug":"are-you-being-of-service-or-servicing-your-self-esteem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/caitlincady.com\/are-you-being-of-service-or-servicing-your-self-esteem\/","title":{"rendered":"Are you addicted to saying Yes?"},"content":{"rendered":"

BEING OF SERVICE…<\/h2>\n

Let me start by saying that I think that everyone\u2019s primary intention in life should be to be of service. The world needs your gifts. People need the special kind of help that only you can offer. We should all be thinking about how we can give, how we can lift others up, how we can contribute to our communities.<\/p>\n

But if you\u2019re anything like me, the line between being of service and being a people pleaser can be…blurry. Looking after other people can become tangled up with your sense of self. I\u2019m needed. I\u2019m valued. I\u2019m helpful. That feels good, right?<\/p>\n

…OR SERVICING YOUR SELF ESTEEM?<\/h2>\n

But it can easily teeter off the edge of Service and land squarely in the land of People Pleasing, where your inner DJ might be playing this on repeat: \u201cIf I don\u2019t help people, they won\u2019t love me. \u201cIf they\u2019re not okay, I\u2019m not okay.\u201d \u201cIf I don\u2019t show up for everything, I\u2019m not worth anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

If that sounds familiar, you might be using your usefulness as a way to validate your ego. If you\u2019re addicted to positive feedback, to being needed, or to taking responsibility for everyone\u2019s feelings all the time, you might have gotten being of service mixed up with servicing your self-esteem.<\/p>\n

PERFECTIONISM IN DISGUISE<\/h2>\n

The danger with this is that you lose your ability to discern when being of service to others is actually letting yourself down. (If \u201cno\u201d isn\u2019t in your vocabulary, then I\u2019m lookin\u2019 at you!) Being of service to others shouldn\u2019t cost you your health, your sanity or your ability to care for yourself. Perfectionism disguised as altruism is still perfectionism. <\/p>\n

SOMETIMES, SAYING YES IS A CHEAP THRILL <\/h2>\n

Here’s the challenge: saying Yes feels so good. That’s why we do it so often (for most of us, too often). Saying Yes has become our default because it’s rewarding and affirming (in the short term). It just sort of slips out of our mouth, and then we get an instant hit – a People-Pleasing Power Up, if you will. It’s like a sugar high. A cheap thrill. Hard to resist, usually followed by a hangover of regret.<\/p>\n

Not always. Not when the Yes is authentic and aligned with your highest good. But mostly we say Yes as an impulse, not a considered, intentional response. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

TAKE A BREATH BEFORE YOU SAY YES<\/h2>\n

Here’s a tool to liberate yourself from a cycle of incessant Yesses. Next time you find yourself about to say Yes, take a breath. Insert a momentary pause to consider this:<\/p>\n