{"id":6909,"date":"2018-10-19T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-10-18T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/caitlincady.com\/are-you-apologising-unnecessarily\/"},"modified":"2022-05-19T16:52:19","modified_gmt":"2022-05-19T08:52:19","slug":"things-you-dont-need-to-apologize-for","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/caitlincady.com\/things-you-dont-need-to-apologize-for\/","title":{"rendered":"Are you apologising unnecessarily?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Anyone else sick of saying \u201csorry\u201d for things that need no apology? Great. So let\u2019s stop the unnecessary apologising and save our apologies for when they\u2019re truly called for. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Excessive apologising seems harmless enough. We think it makes us seem \u201cnice\u201d or \u201clikeable.\u201d But it\u2019s wasteful and destructive. Here\u2019s why. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">SHAMING SELF-PRESERVATION<\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">We\u2019ve been conditioned to feel shame or guilt for acts of self-preservation. And our apologies perpetuate this culture of shame. By apologising for resting (and by that I mean having a nap or a bath or a day off or a massage), we\u2019re contributing to a (fear-based) cultural obsession with productivity and perfectionism that looks impressive on the outside but leaves us exhausted, depleted and depressed.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Plus, when we apologise for resting, the apology diffuses the rich sustenance offered by rest. Surrender is the prerequisite for benefiting from restful practices. And we can\u2019t fully surrender if we feel bad doing it.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">A DENIAL OF DESIRE STAMPS OUT CREATIVE POWER<\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Speaking of surrender, apologising for our pleasure is also destructive. It weakens and tempers the joy available to us when we fully embrace and OWN our needs, wants and desires. By apologising for our appetites and yearnings, we deny our desires. And habitual denial of our desires stamp out the fires of passion and creative power within us.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p2\">HIDING HOLDS YOU CAPTIVE<\/h3>\n<p class=\"p2\">Women, listen up. Apologising for your opinions is toxic. When we agree to soften our stance in the name of being nice, we\u2019re re-committing to cultural conditioning that opinionated men&nbsp;are powerful and sharp operators while opinionated women are difficult, bossy (or worse.) Don&#8217;t let the fear of judgement subdue you. Be brave enough to&nbsp;speak up&#8211;&nbsp; judgment, labels and misrepresentations be dammed.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">You are entitled to your opinion. Act like it. If you don\u2019t, you\u2019re implicit in your own imprisonment. We become our own captors when we agree to hide or hold ourselves back. To say nothing of the future we create for our daughters.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">SHINING IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF<\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Speaking of holding yourself back. Stop waiting your turn. Stop apologising for your gifts and your boldness and your fierceness. Shining is nothing to be ashamed of. If you believe that your gifts are God-given, or sourced from the Universe, or a download from the divine, then who are you to dim down your light? You\u2019re a lamp, plugged into a higher power (thank you, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/williamsonmarianne\/posts\/the-universe-is-wired-with-the-electricity-of-god-and-each-of-us-is-a-lamp-it-do\/152410241466059\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Marianne Williamson<\/a>), so\u2026 Turn. It. Up. All the way up. <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<h3>YOUR TRUTH IS A GIFT NOT A BURDEN<\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Two other common cases in over-apologitis: truth-telling and saying no. First off, your truth needs no apology. If you\u2019re brave enough to speak your truth (thereby inspiring others to do the same), you should say \u201cyou\u2019re welcome\u201d not \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d Because we need your truth. It\u2019s a boon to the world. As Armistead Maupin put it, \u201cthe world changes in direct proportion to the number of people willing to be honest about their lives.\u201d So put a bow on your truth, not an apology. It\u2019s a gift, not a burden. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">NO NEEDS NO APOLOGY<\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\">And instead of apologising for saying \u201cno,\u201d wield it like the tool that it is. <i>No<\/i> is an instrument for creating boundaries in our lives. Boundaries that protect what is precious and defend against what is not. No needs no apology. No is the weapon of a warrior who is discerning enough to recognise their self-worth, wise enough to respect it, and courageous enough to protect it.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">OWN YOUR DESIRES, GIFTS AND SELF-WORTH<\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Notice how you\u2019re apologising for shit that needs no apology. Notice how when you stop apologising you start OWNING your desires, your gifts, your opinions and honouring what is precious to you. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">And now, without further adieu, a list for your adoption if it hits the spot\u2026<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" mce-data-marked=\"1\">THINGS YOU DON&#8217;T NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR<\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong><span class=\"s1\">1. Being bold.&nbsp;<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong><span class=\"s1\">2. Telling the truth.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong><span class=\"s1\">3. Loving what (or who) you love.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong><span class=\"s1\">4. Shining.&nbsp;<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong><span class=\"s1\">5. Saying NO.&nbsp;<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong><span class=\"s1\">6. Resting.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Excessive apologising seems harmless enough. We think it makes us seem \u201cnice\u201d or \u201clikeable.\u201d But it\u2019s wasteful and destructive. Here\u2019s why. Plus a list of things you don&#8217;t need to apologise for. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":6545,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[122,123,124,125,126,127,128,65,129,130,131,132,133],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Caitlin Cady |<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/caitlincady.com\/things-you-dont-need-to-apologize-for\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Caitlin Cady |\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Excessive apologising seems harmless enough. 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