Ever been caught in between “Justice” and “Forgiveness”? That space where you’re wedged in between staying resentful / frustrated / angry (because the situation demands Justice and whatever the person did is Just Not Right and Something Must Be Done About It!) and on the other side…forgiving them and Letting It Go? It’s a perplexing place to be. Letting it go can feel like you’re letting the so-called “perp” get away with something unjust.
I recently had a series of experiences with people who (in my view) didn’t do the right thing. I felt betrayed, taken advantage of, mistreated and a little angry. I wasn’t raging pissed off. More of a slow boil, shall we say. Just steaming and stewing on the injustice of the situation.
I debated. Do I let it go? ‘Cause that would feel good. To just not carry it around. To move on.
Or should I put up a fight? Put my my foot down, draw a line in the sand and drop knowledge on them. ‘Cause that can feel good, too.
A day later, I sat in meditation. A meditation focused on my heart chakra. As I sank more deeply into the meditation, I suddenly had a very clear, very visceral visualisation. A lucid dream. I saw and FELT a pair of beautiful, strong wings on my back. Bones, cartilage, muscle, skin, white feathers. Massive. Fucking massive wings. Not ethereal, sparkly fairy wings or delicate subtle butterfly wings. But like, daaaaayamn, big-ass, LEGIT bird wings that were almost bigger than me. And then I noticed it. I felt it. A silver fishing hook, piercing my right wing. Piercing it, painfully pulling it back. Crippling me. Keeping me from flying freely. Keeping me unbalanced, earthbound.
Here was the message I received: you cannot live in a heart-centred space some-of-the-time. You cannot give your forgiveness and compassion selectively. You don’t get to decide who deserves your compassion and who doesn’t. Don’t get it twisted: you can choose not to engage in relationship with certain people. But you can’t withhold your loving-kindness.
When you unconditionally open your heart, you liberate yourself and fly free. You unhook your attention (and your wings) from the negative. You leave it behind and soar to wide-open spaces. You fly toward love and away from suffering, judgment, anger and low vibrations. You fly with others who are operating on the same plane. Your high vibe tribe.
Your duty is not to judge or to Set Things Right for another person or Dole Out Justice or hold a grudge because That Shit Just Wasn’t ON. Your duty is to set yourself free. To love freely is to live freely. Open your wings, uncage your heart. Live freely, love freely.
With love from me to you. x Caitlin